If you take a close look at Facebook posts over these past few days, you’ll notice that people have been taking advantage of Mugabe’s character, creating memes of things they claim he has said. We’re neither denying nor confirming that they are indeed Mugabe’s quotes, we’re just having fun with them – because honestly, they are funny.
Apparently the fourth-longest-serving president in history has joined the anti-weave campaign, along with Hugh Masekela, who refuses to take pictures with women who have weaves – excluding Kuli Roberts. While Masekela thinks weaves are unAfrican, “Mugabe’s” problem is how one would go about bewitching such a woman.
1. It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece from her hair to a witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.
2. Treat every part of your towel nicely be
cause the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.
3. I have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once.
4. Welcome to Africa, where typing amen to a Pastor’s prayer on Facebook will save you from your village witches and make you a billionaire.
5. Dear sister, don’t be deceived by a man who texts you “I miss you” only when it’s raining. You are not an umbrella.
6. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than sending it to your mom and you realise witchcraft is real.
7. When you kiss a girl from another nationality, do it well because you represent the whole country.
8. Neighbours will always say they saw the girl you brought home last night….. but they will never see the thief who stole at your place even during the day.
9. The only white man you can trust is a dead white man.
10. Dont fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you cant get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.
11. If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.
12. Our economy is a hundred times better, than the average African economy. Outside South Africa, what country is [as good as] Zimbabwe? … What is lacking now are goods on the shelves-that is all.
13. Only God who appointed me will remove me